Yes, as the year 2014 comes to a close, it is time to send us your nominations for the very first YEC YUCK of the YEAR Award!
Due to professional engagements as an in-demand, international news journalist, Potholer54 has retired his Golden Crocoduck Award, which for years now has recognized the most egregious breach of the Ninth Commandment by a creationist. Yet, we all know that Nature hates a void. So the august and anonymous ex-YEC scholars of the Bible.and.Science.Forum rose to the challenge. Secretly scattered and hastily hidden away throughout the world under the ample auspices of the WPT (Witless Protection Program)–lest vengeful Young Earth Creationists punish our disloyalty to the CSC (Creation Science Cabal)–we recently convened by encrypted Skype to draw our Secret Santa selections and to plot our next dastardly deed to vex the ever-insidious YEC Conspiracy . The result was this public statement and proclamation:
We, the furtive and fervent fugitives of the BSF, continue to grieve over a humanity beset by deceit, greed, needless suffering, and oppressive ignorance. (And conditions outside of YEC-dom are even worse.) Therefore, in the interest of elevating our spirits and looking for the sunny and funny side of the dreadfully dismal darkness which comes from the Young Earth Creationist mega-ministry millionaire entrepreneurs and their spell-bound fans, followers, and felon wannabees (i.e., the Kent Hovind loyalists), we hereby rise to fill that void of appropriate recognitions of Young Earth Creationist knee-slappers and laughable pseudo-achievements.
We believe that we should resolve in the new year to more often pause to appreciate the humor and entertainment value of the many YECist maniacal manic machinations, mumblings, and mantras which motivate their misguided militants with mindlessly meandering memes and meaningless monotonies, as we mention and memorialize the most momentous and memorable moronic monstrosities of misbegotten mental mishaps manufactured in the movement’s murky Matmos and marketed to the most unmercifully mesmerized masses. For the sake of morale we can, now and then, pause to make merry and manage to momentarily reflect upon the most entertaining of Young Earth Creationist obfuscations and pseudo-science nonsense. All in hopes of a good belly laugh.
So we’ve decided to step in and honor the outspoken and ever-clueless Young Earth Creationist. He has no idea just how hysterically funny are his efforts to be serious in criticizing The Theory of Evolution while pretending that “creation science” will, some day, manage to make a scientific discovery and rise to the level of actual science. [Yes, we all know that there are real scientists who happen to be creationists. But “creation science” claims to use the scientific method to explain and affirm Young Earth Creationist presuppositions while using their “Special Creation” hypotheses in explaining scientific data. No YEC has ever successfully identified a scientific discovery which was made possible by any sort of “Comprehensive Scientific Theory of Special Creation” which “creation scientists” have yet to formally publish and define.]
The rules for the <em>YEC YUCK of the YEAR Aware</em> are simple:
1) Your nomination must be a Young Earth Creationist individual or organization who said or wrote something in the year 2014 that is absolutely hilarious. (Talk about easy! Few bars were ever set so low.)
2) You must provide a complete citation so that we can confirm the nomination-worthy side-splitting statement in all its contextual glory.
3) The nominee must be a GENUINE Young Earth Creationist and not merely someone impersonating a YEC in order to get cheap laughs. (Yes, we will realize that Poe’s Law is unflinching and relentless. But do the best you can.)
4) If you find it difficult to narrow down the nominee’s countless hilarious statements about evolution or origins in general, you may send several favorites and suggest that we also consider the nominee for a YEC YUCK Lifetime Achievement Award.
5) Every nominee’s quoted comical quip must be attributable to some publication, website, or public appearance which appeared in the year 2014. You may nominate a YEC for something said or written in previous years as long as you can cite a repetition of that side-splitter in the year 2014.
6) All forms of YEC comedy are permitted: smug condescension, pompous pontification, misuse of scientific terms, extreme irony, felonious fails, pious ponderousness, extreme ignorance, and even intentional attempts at humor which fell flat. (We reserve the right to draw the line at raving lunacy–which is mostly just plain sad. Yes, “raving lunacy” is a common malady with frequent outbreaks among science-illiterate YEC citizens of Looneyville and we realize that drawing the line at good taste is a difficult judgment call. So our panel of judges reserves the sole right to make that determination because–as a U.S. Supreme Court Justice once said about pornography–“I know it when I see it.” Accordingly, quotations from Kent Hovind’s threats against the Judge on the recorded jailhouse phone calls the night before his sentencing, for example, is extremely funny but the obvious Narcissistic Personality Disorder can leave one nauseous. And nausea isn’t funny.)
7) You may submit as many nominations as your funny bone will tolerate.
8) Deadline for submissions will be sometime after Christmas and whenever we darn well feel like getting this over with.
9) This year’s YEC YUCK of the YEAR Award scripture theme is Proverbs 15:14:
“The heart of him that hath understanding seeketh knowledge: but the mouth of fools feedeth on foolishness.”